alone time

steve got a call from one of his best friends, matt, the other night. matt's been married for a while and has a baby now so, needless to say, the two of them don't get to see each other very often. matt asked steve to go with them to the padres game tonight and, in turn, steve asked me if he could go. of course i said "no." just kidding...he's there right now :) but, seriously, the whole notion of asking each other "permission" to do things is kinda funny. i mean, we are both adults now and have been living away from home (where we grew up requesting our parents' permission) for quite some time. we have had years alone of not really having to answer to anyone. we got the opportunity to be selfish and spontaneous. and now we're both back in this place of having to be considerate of another person's opinion, plans, and feelings on things like this. it's an adjustment. it's different than when you're a kid, no doubt, but just an anomaly of sorts when you stop to think about it.

so, here i am, alone for the evening...for, what i think is, the first time since i've been back home. sure, there are things that i miss about having more frequent alone time. i think my house was a little more clean and organized, as i was always doing some sort of project. i read more often. kept up on brainless tv shows. ate whatever i wanted, when i wanted. that kind of thing. but i would never trade that freedom of the past for what i have now. i feel like a part of me is missing when he's gone...even if it's just for the night. i love having someone to share my day with, and vice versa. i love cleaning and organizing things together. i love deciding what to eat for dinner together (even though that one can be a headache at times...hehe). basically, i just love being together...regardless of what we're doing.

i know these days are inevitable. we will each have activities that the other person won't be involved in. time spent apart and/or alone. i'm trying to make the most of it. learning to once again be content with my own company. and i think this time alone just makes it that much more special when we finally reunite.

these conversations

"honey, i need your 'social'?" she asked entering the kitchen. "sure babe", i replied.

these are them. the conversations that i had thought, one day, might happen. i try to stay as observant as possible. this has been true since early on in my life. i would watch my parents interact with one another. i would watch the way my dad responded to my mom. the way she would react to his response, and so on, and so forth. admiration was among many things i felt, observing how my parents were with each other. they had these types of conversations. you know, the really intimate ones.

needing my social? yeah, to me that is intimate. that is trusting someone to the degree that you trust your lungs to do their job, gravity to keep you on the ground so you can interact properly in society, or brakes on a brand new car that you've never driven before (well maybe that is a bad example). you know, trust. when people ask for my social, my answer is only given after i have done due diligence in making sure this person is who they say they are. in the age of stolen identities, can you really blame me. it's harder than ever to trust someone.

and now here is this unbelievably gorgeous woman walking in, asking me for my social security number. and what i observed was how i didn't even flinch a muscle or pause a second, i just gave it to her. so yeah, these are the conversations i thought, i hoped i might have with a special someone. and now, they're here.

there is this really important moment that happens. when you realize that you found a place that you can truly be who you are, without pretense. when you feel a connection unlike any you've ever held before. when your hope is met with an embrace. when you realize, that home has found you...

i had my moment.

1st thoughts from the bride-to-be :)

so stephen has been working his ass off trying to get this website up and running. i'm really excited about having our own site so we can design it however we want and put our own music up and all that. plus, now we own stephenjess.com which is just way cool in and of itself :)

things have been moving pretty quickly in regards to planning. nothing has really been finalized, but we have done a lot of research and really narrowed most things down. i know how quickly things can change, but i feel really good about how much progress we have made so far. anyway, yesterday we went to look at our #1 choice for a location...Falkner Winery. a brief history: Falkner is the very first place steve and i went wine tasting when we began cultivating this fascination with wine. the place is gorgeous! we are going to try to post some video footage this week, but it really is breathtaking. we have researched a few other places so far, but i think we are really leaning toward the winery idea. it might be a little bit of a stretch for our budget, but it just feels right...it feels like us.

on our way home, we stopped to visit my nana. i don't see her that often anymore, and when i do it's usually in the presence of like 15 other people at some family holiday function, so i really treasure the times i get to sit down and spend quality time with her...or any of my family, for that matter. however, this visit was even more special because steve was there with me :) not a lot has changed in our day to day routines since we got engaged, but i do have these moments where it just hits me..."holy shit, i'm getting married!" i still can't get over how far we have come since the first day we met, and i can't even begin to express how much i look forward to spending the rest of my life with this man.

setting all this up is really annoying

we are currently trying to set up our website. it's not all that hard really. people do it everyday. i, however am not a web designer. what we are trying to do is simply document as much of this journey as is possible.

what are the elements to a really kicking wedding/engagement site?

what we want is to make this as much a social thing leading up to it, as it will be the day of. so shout out if you have any thoughts related to this topic :)

a first time for everything

so.

this is going to be our little documentary, text, photo, audio, and video. we want to share this experience with our closest family and friends. we love you all so dearly, and are completely grateful for your love and well wishing.

here we go!!